Well, I start this story off with a confession. I got drunk last night, as did Sam Holden and Simon Yates - and all those other folk in the pub.
Due to the snow on our nations roads, I decided to take decisive* action (as prompted by Annette Jones) and went to the pub in my Wellies. It made me feel like I was part of Emmerdale, which was OK for a bit, but someone behind the bar also pointed this out.. Not because of the wellies, but because of the 1970's jumper I was wearing.
At first, It was just me and Sammy lad supping our 'Ruddles Best', but that slowly manifested to include Mr 'Swinley' Yates. It was the old trio back again, back to recapture Christmas spirits and repopulate the whole of Wigan with our wit and humour. Part of this humour involved wiping yourself off with a siv - Yates came up with that one. For a while, this was enough humour.
We were humoured and in good jovial voice.
As we made ourselves from the table to the bar, there was slight hint of a biscuit related job going down. Hobnobs, I believe. Chocolate Hobnobs. These were enjoyed with the finesse you would expect, although Sammy lad scoffed a bloody load of them (actual packet only had 5 left.. but he somehow managed loads) Then Swinley zipped them in to my coat and gave them a ruddy good beating.. They were broken, but not inedible.
It was at this point Holden got a free Pot Noodle. I will let him explain in what will be this Blogs 100th post.
Having read this story back, to proof read and the like - it seems that we didn't get up to much. This is inaccurate and wholly incorrect - Having checked my draft messages, the only thing of substance relates back to Swinleys siv.. But, let me assure you, there was more to the night than this - I just don't know when it will become clear.
As we left those two reprobates stole my hat and put it on top of the tent thing that keeps peoples heads dry. It was at this point the decision was made to steal Sam's Pot Noodle.
This was met with overall disappointment, because instead of throwing it into the road, I threw it back to his direction and he buggered off with it. Me and Swinley didn't see him again.
This was my drunken night out and today is also Christmas, so I think we've learned a lot. Thanks for reading folks, it's been a blast.
*determining or having the power to determine an outcome
Look how staged these pictures are!
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