Knock Knock..

Found a wonderful little book of Knock Knock jokes, entitled: 'The Silly Little Book of Knock Knock Jokes.'

My favourite three;

Knock knock
Who's there?
Stevie.
Stevie who?
Stevie has terrible reception.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Sam.
Sam who?
Sam day you'll recognise my voice.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Danny.
Danny who?
Dannybody home?

Oh the minutes of fun you can have from this little book!

'Swoosh' and many other verbs.

Well last night was fun.

Unlike Sam's day, I did hardly anything apart from nurse a small hangover I had received from Christmas day. It was only 'til about half eight Pee Emm that things started to happen.

I stood in my conservatory and, for around ten minutes, observed Sam Holden doing some kind of Shakin' Stevens manoeuvre in the middle of my road. I watched and had a jolly good giggle, but then decided to help him out a bit with some kind words.

I left the warmth of my house, with glass of wine in hand and sandals on my feet. He noticed me and shouted;

"This is so fucking hard!"

After almost uncontrollable laughter, I walked right up to him (he hadn't moved) and gave him a few words of encouragement about the right technique for ice walking. I got the feeling he either;

A) Wasn't listening
B) Was pretty pissed
C) All of the above

Eventually we made it back to my house, but I couldn't help brag about how easy I thought it was. To be honest though, I found it pretty easy.

We then proceeded to listen to music, have a few bevvies and talk about war for some reason. It was enthralling and thoroughly capitulating (surrender under agreed conditions)

As Sam has pointed out, we had planned to meet Little Dean and Massive Tom in the pub, but we lost track of time listening to the lyrics of Ray Charles. It's sad because I haven't seen those two fruity people in a long, long time.

Anyroad, as we did finally leave the premises of Three Beacons, I had just got past the gate and 'Swoosh', I was flat on my arse. Completely flat on my arse. Pain in the arse it was too, but alcohol in that situation is a great help.. I suffered no ill fate due to this and I put it down to the wine.

Took us about 1027 seconds to get the Brocket.. But Sam has already filled you in, girlfriend!

It's at this point I want you to 'Swoosh' with me to the latter stages of the night..

Sammy lad had gone home and I was in the Lux (my favourite place ever) with Swinley Yates & LC ft. Jooles, Nelson, Noon & Crossan, with special guests.

I was having a ball, so I was. Being Boxing Day everyone was dressed up (apart from me, but more on that in a sec folks!) and the atmosphere was superb and happy happy.

Now, you may notice I am being general on matters such as the Lux.. But, that is because I can't remember specifics.. I can remember some specifics, but they are specific to me and I specifically don't fancy mentioning these to you. Don't take that as personal but, personally I would like to keep these matters general to me and unpublished. I had a great time though and it's brilliant to catch up with all the guys I don't see whilst at University.

I (one pint Dan) ended up staying in there 'til like 5 ish Ayy Emm.. Not a record for me, but fabulously brave, I must say.

'Swoosh' back to the costume saga;

I hadn't illicitly (contrary to accepted morality) dressed up.. Although unknowingly I had worn my 'Lifeboats' T-Shirt and I was wearing Wellies (icey, baby) .. Thus, it looked like I had dressed up rather crassly as a Lifeboat volunteer.

I worked this out when I got home and I was sad, for a while. But then I passed out.

This was my night, I have been Dan and you have all been wonderful! It's been a privilege and an honour and I wish you every success in the future. I, for one, know I'll be looking out for you, as well as trying to help myself in every which way possible. You've been wonderful, really.

The Holden/Andrews Festive Song

(To be sung in constantly changing, random accents)

When I was a little boy,
I had a teddy for a toy.
But I got some fluff stuck in me throat,
And now I sound like a goat.

So I sold it at a car boot sale,
I didn't know it'd lost it's tail.
So I jogged down to the pub,
And I asked the landlord: "Ast got any grub?".

The landlord threw me a plate of hotpot,
And I brunt me throat 'cos it were hot.
So I had a drink instead,
But I woke up with a bad yed.

I looked all over for me Teddy,
And then I got a cruise to the Meddy.
Then we docked in Naples,
So I bought meself some Staples.

Then I clipped our tickets together,
And put 'em in me purse of leather.
And I put me purse inside me bag,
It were so heavy, I started to sag.

It'd been a wild, wild trip,
But I've made a lot of friends on this ship.
Turns out one of 'ems got me teddy,
She's same kinda hair, thick and reddy.

I said she could keep it,
It'd be our little secret.
So I said: "Goodbye" to Reddy and Teddy,
I think it's time to go to Beddy.

by,

Derek Holden,
Joshua Andrews,
Jimmy Andrews,
Laura Andrews,
Karen Andrews,
Margaret Holden,
Sam Holden and
A significant amount of alcohol.

Slippy, Slippy, Slidey, Fally.

Hello all you beautiful young ladies and gentlemen!

I feel that the time has come to let you know what happened last night. I hope you're ready. I'm pretty sure Daniel W. Jones will be posting his recollection of last nights events but I thought I'd give you my side first.

Oh I'm also going to try and add a bit of the Wigan Dialect in every now and again, you know to be respectful to me founding fathers 'n' that.

So, as you may or may not know, every Boxing Day I am treated to the company of my family at my Nanna and Grandad's house. This year was no different. Well, that's a lie, it was quite different. Colin Holden Sr, Tracy Holden Sr and Charlotte 'Gay Paree' Walsh Sr did not attend our festive day because they were in Paris, Disneyland Paris, They were eating baguettes with brie and wearing garlic cloves around their necks. Silly sausages. So anyway, I went over to me Nanna and Grandad's house and enjoyed my first 'John Smith's' at around 2.30pm whilst we waited for the arrival of the Andrews. Now the Andrews consist of Uncle Jimmy, Aunty Karen, our Shaun, Laura and Josh. However! One of the secret 5 were missing! Shaun was ill!

"What!?" I exclaimed as they came in with an arm missing. (I pictured them as one whole body and Shaun is an arm)

"Yeah he's ill onth couch" they replied as one.

"Oh dear, well nevermind" I said.

And with that we began our partying. Nanna and Grandad had of course made a bloody delish meal that consisted of: Turkey, Ham, Stuffing, Roasties, Boiled Potatoes, Yorkshire Puds, Gravy and Carrots (Which Grandad nearly forgot). We then had a choice of Ice cream, Chocolate Gateux (Gattux as my Grandad calls it) and Lemon errm, Lemon something or other, that one with the hard top... Meringue? Hmm.. no idea. This was all washed down with another 'John Smith's' of course. And I tell you what folks, I was reyt stuffed after that feast. I felt like a happy, stuffed Hippo and you know how happy they are.

Shortly after our meal we all settled down in the Living Room area for a bit of traditional Holden/Andrews family fun. Now, it was our Josh 'Womaniser' Andrews who proposed we play Charades... oh dear. This is when it got messy. Josh tried several attempts at an impression of: 'A Series of Unfortunate Events' that consisted of Dinosaur walks, Chicken Dances and some other bizarre references. This wasn't without our own input of hidden giggles and jovial, bellowing laughter though (Grandad). After several rounds of this it was finally Grandad's turn and he decided to do 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame'. So we asked:

'How many words is it?'

And, whilst counting on his fingers and miming:

'The Hunchback of Notre Dame'

He told us there are 5. So we realised at this point that we should change games and have a few more bevvies (That's a reference to you Richie).

It was Grandad's idea that we all come up with a song, which I will post shortly, and after we had finished this marvellous melody I realised it was time to head over to the Jones' residence. The journey went something like this:

1). Short drive, via car, from Nanna and Grandad's to my house (With a quick stop for booze at Spar) - 10 minutes.

2) Dashing about my house getting ready and that - 5 minutes.

3) Short walk up my my road (Barnsley Street) across a main road and up Gidlow Lane followed by hiking through Dan's dirt road - 30 minutes...

So.. wait.. 30 minutes? It's a 10 minute walk I hear you yell! Well I know, I know, but it were Icey and I was drunk.

Yup, it was so damned Icey that I almost fell over 638 times and I actually fell over once! Right at the end of my trip:

Splat, thud, whack, splash, badoosh 'Oh bugger me!' were the emanating sounds that echoed from my fall. But I picked myself back up and continued to Dan's. I should mention that he watched the last 10 minutes of my stumble and even laughed at me a bit, fortunately he didn't see me fall though...

So we had a few drinkies and few laughs and we decided to head to the Brocket at about 11pm. You see Dean Sharrock and Thomas Powell had been waiting for us at the pub for no less than 90 minutes, but we weren't about to give up on them! However, they gave up on us (I don't blame them at all!) and abandoned their stations to return to warm homes. Armed with this new knowledge we decided to aim for Wigan 'God's land' Town and we set off on our epic journey.

30 seconds after leaving Dan's house, he proceeds to say:

'Hahaha, Sam it's really easy to walk on this Ice'

This was followed by his 2 feet shooting upwards into the air in front of him, his head thrusting backwards, both beer cans flying out of his hands and his back going: 'Splat' onto the cold, merciless ice.

It was quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen.

'Sam, Sam, hahaha, I can't get up' he groaned.

I left him to it of course and he did eventually get back up. I think I was crying with laughter for about 10 minutes though.

Anywho, we did eventually reach Wigan after about 2 hours slipping and sliding and I got some food and decided to head home. Dan went to the Lux though so I'm hoping he'll fill you in on the deets soon so look forward to that folks!

I'm going to vanish temporarily now and I will return in the future.

Lot's of Ho, Ho's and warm feelings to you!

Sam.

Merchandise Basterds

It may be christmas, the time for forgiveness (according to Dan) and to be thankful for everything and so on... But after those last two posts by the wigan trio (minus 1) I have come to the conclusion that they have actually lost it - now this may be because nobody actually understands the description of a night out by the musketeers unless your actually there as well, but is anyone else wondering what the hell a siv has to do with anything? And how is a pot noodle similiar to a baby? Maybe you'd like to explain that one again Sam?

It might just be because I'm tired and have had a few... you know, Wife Beaters...

It might also be because I just watched Inglorious Basterds on the old wide screen television on this new fluffy stuff called 'Blu Ray'.

Then again, It could be that neither of them can describe a night out they happened to be on UNLESS they are sobre. Which, lets face it, isn't a lot.

Other than that, I'm really happy that Sam (the creator) got to post the 100th posting on here. What a milestone! And on Christmas day as well, wow, what an honour.

I have some news by the way. Yeah, I'm not just here to moan, I have a purpose! Anyway, you can now purchase (thats pronounced 'Purrrr' and then 'Chase') ourdrunkennightsout merchandise!!

What did he say? I said OurDrunkenNightsOut merchandise!
WOW!
I know, for a small fee... shall we say £7? You can send us a cup (a plain white mug will do) and we'll professionally hand paint some memorable stuff on it for you.

I'll upload a photo of my own one soonish so you can all feast your eyes on what a good tea drinking mug should look like. Soon, you'll all want one, it will be the latest kids trend.

Yoyo's, Pokemon, Alian eggs, ourdrunkennightsout tea mugs... it fits perfectly.

Anywho, in true aussie accent; na night, na night! ba bye, ba bye!

Merry Christmas you luscious, delicious people you...!

Well as Dan Jones Sr pointed our before, this is the 100th blog post!

Yup, the big 100. You can't get much bigger than that. (Except maybe 1000, that's pretty big.)

Jones has pretty much explained what happened last night. The siv was a major highlight in our comedy making conversations, we also made some sort of pact which I think is a secret.

I definitely think the free Pot Noodle was a the pinnacle though so let me try and dig up the shards of memory that are lodged in my noodle (hahaha, noodle).

IWENTTOTHEBARANDLAUREEN (SPELLING) ((THAT'S NOT HER LAST NAME I'M JUST NOT SURE HOW TO SPELL HER NAME)) AFTERSOMEPERSUASION OFFEREDMEAFREEPOTNOODLEANDITOLDHERIT WASTHEBESTTHINGEVER.ANDITWAS.

The bloody, red cheeked twins tried to steal it from me though and even worse they tried to destroy it! I mean... someone gives you a free pot noodle and then it's wrestled from your tender embrace and thrown into the air. It's almost like losing a baby, except you get that baby back later and then eat it.

But anyway, this has been a difficult blog post to do because my brain is fuzzy but I'm sure you'll agree that last night was a good bit of banter! And I feel its very fitting that our 100th post is on this big, ol' special day!

CHRISTMAS DAY!

Merry Christmas folks have a bloody good one.

Sam.




P.S. It's 2pm and I still haven't opened my prezzies because I'm waiting for Mummy to get home. How bad is this, she's working on bloody Christmas Day! Sad face.

Wipe yourself off with a siv.

Christmas greetings one and all!

Well, I start this story off with a confession. I got drunk last night, as did Sam Holden and Simon Yates - and all those other folk in the pub.

Due to the snow on our nations roads, I decided to take decisive* action (as prompted by Annette Jones) and went to the pub in my Wellies. It made me feel like I was part of Emmerdale, which was OK for a bit, but someone behind the bar also pointed this out.. Not because of the wellies, but because of the 1970's jumper I was wearing.

At first, It was just me and Sammy lad supping our 'Ruddles Best', but that slowly manifested to include Mr 'Swinley' Yates. It was the old trio back again, back to recapture Christmas spirits and repopulate the whole of Wigan with our wit and humour. Part of this humour involved wiping yourself off with a siv - Yates came up with that one. For a while, this was enough humour.

We were humoured and in good jovial voice.

As we made ourselves from the table to the bar, there was slight hint of a biscuit related job going down. Hobnobs, I believe. Chocolate Hobnobs. These were enjoyed with the finesse you would expect, although Sammy lad scoffed a bloody load of them (actual packet only had 5 left.. but he somehow managed loads) Then Swinley zipped them in to my coat and gave them a ruddy good beating.. They were broken, but not inedible.

It was at this point Holden got a free Pot Noodle. I will let him explain in what will be this Blogs 100th post.

Having read this story back, to proof read and the like - it seems that we didn't get up to much. This is inaccurate and wholly incorrect - Having checked my draft messages, the only thing of substance relates back to Swinleys siv.. But, let me assure you, there was more to the night than this - I just don't know when it will become clear.

As we left those two reprobates stole my hat and put it on top of the tent thing that keeps peoples heads dry. It was at this point the decision was made to steal Sam's Pot Noodle.

This was met with overall disappointment, because instead of throwing it into the road, I threw it back to his direction and he buggered off with it. Me and Swinley didn't see him again.

This was my drunken night out and today is also Christmas, so I think we've learned a lot. Thanks for reading folks, it's been a blast.

*determining or having the power to determine an outcome







Look how staged these pictures are!

Random Attack!

You are hit by snowball for 5 dmg!

Care to return the attack?

"No, no. I'm fine as I am."

Super duper.

Well, here we are. What's this all about? Apparently it's Christmas Eve today and I have no idea what I'm writing.

I'm tired.

Zzz Zzz Zzz.

It's all about forgiveness at Christmas..

..Plus, I know what Stephen Melling is like. I have known him now for around about 5 years (give or take a few months)

He breaks stuff, really well.

Now, I refer you back to this post, dated 19th October 2009.

We were pretty bloody pleased with ourselves and so didn't mind the wait - in fact, we didn't mind forgetting about the wait, then remembering and reminding ourselves about the wait..

The wait was over.

Well it was for me, as I had received the first of two glasses, back at homehome HQ in Wigan.

Mr Melling had received a suspicious looking 'Royal Mail Come and Get Me Letter', back at M6 6DB - It was all coming together. All I needed to do was wait, for my 2nd delivery..

It was then I finally received a 'Come and Get Me Letter', through the doors of M6 6DB.

We went to get it.

Like Melling explains in his gripping tale of horror, it was a tremendous journey - one of which we will probably forget, at some point.

A few hours had passed..

And he'd smashed the bugger!

Being the kind sole I am, I gave him my newest one.. the M6 6DB one.. (He can have it for free, but I'm keeping him on his toes pretending he has to pay)

These are the pictures of what I must say, is a really nice looking glass - better than that of a Pub glass.









I will add a small disclaimer for those wide-eyed folk:

I used a 440ml Carlsberg can for the demonstration. It isn't Becks and it isn't a Pint but, since it's Christmas, I couldn't give a shit.

Becks Beer Glass - A Mellings Tale

Received my Becks beer glass today, well I say received; It's been waiting for me at the Royal Mail post office for close to 3 weeks now...

So today myself and Dan Jones took it upon ourselves to take the epic cold, wintery, and potentially fatal journey on the slippery paths of Salford so that we can enjoy a lovely cold, perfectly brewed pint of Becks Vier.

You may remember our post a few weeks ago when we ordered our free glass... well in case you haven’t worked it out yet... it's arrived. I'm sure Dan Jones can sort you out with a picture soon.

Now, I have to tell you something that might shock you, and indeed it shocked me! So if it shocks you, then that’s good, because it means im telling the story with the gratitude it deserves.

After ordering my free becks vier glass, waiting however many weeks or months it took to come, then being so busy I couldn't pick it up from the Post Office, AND then deciding to make a big effort, walking for at least an hour through tortuous conditions... I got my glass, got it home, then... (as I was also going homehome this night, I was packing a couple of bags into the car) It was at this time, the time of the car loading, I was holding the Becks Vier box in my hand, and then swooooooop... shriekk... SMASH! Onto the ice and into a million pieces. It was at this point I felt my heart sink to the floor and catch a cold from the snow.

1 minute later - :(

2 minutes later - :(

3 minutes later - :0 I had a plan.

5 Minutes later - :) I had completed my plan.

This plan was to firstly, text Dan Jones.
Knowing he had ordered 2 Becks Vier glasses.
Knowing he had left one of them at home, and one in the flat.
My plan was to go back to the flat, take Dan Jones' glass (upon permission and offering of payment), and take this spangdangly shiny new glass to the car.

And there we go, I can now enjoy a pint in my new lovely Becks Vier glass, and have indeed already done so... I can tell you, it was worth the effort.



Love.
P.S. I do still grieve for the one that smashed like it was a small pet... maybe a hamster or a rabbit.

And the snow came down, made it white all around.. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Drinks - Snow - Slips - and Slides

Hello, this is our drunken night out at ourdrunkennightsout.blogspot.com (sponsored by wheresmyfood.co.uk and bigfunbingo.com)

Fade in:

We start the day looking out of a window onto a low orange sunlight casting long shadows over the bare trees. We received a much welcomed guest appearance from Harrison 'everyones favourite Irish' Reed and we all got re-aquaited quickly with stories of good times, festive beer and music.

After a while, we decided to head to the one... the only, Oyster Bar.


















Sinclair's Oyster Bar Manchester - reader comments

"For drinks the place is fantastic, good prices and great atmosphere. I wouldn't go there for a 'full' meal, and the staff aren't particularly friendly but hardly rude either. The toilets however are disgusting and I don't think they're maintained throughout the evening and are in need of improving" - richard, manchester 26/10/08 (visited on a tuesday evening)

I think 'Richard' is WHACK man! He is talking total rubbish and without necessarily trying to be prejudice - He is probably a stupid crack head from America.... or watches X-Factor.

After 1 or 2 beers we decided to move on from standing in the cold beer garden (it was pretty busy inside) and we moved onto the beloved and enchanted Northern Quarter to a (at the time) unknown bar to both myself and Dan. The good old Harrison 'everyones favourite Irish' Reed knows all the good spots so we got inside this mysterious place called... humm, what was it called? .....Cord! Yep, thats it, Cord. It's alright there it is.

Stella - Stella - leave - walk - train - cold - ice - concrete - wazz - slip - slide - fun - video - warm - tired - home - relax.

Dan's Slide

Ste's Slide

Unbelievable Road Slide

Just a quick reminder to all you haters out there - we were under the influence at that point.

Merry Christmas Everyone - Fuck You I Won't Do What You Tell Me.

Love.

Update:#~=+//|##@;

Coming soon... tonights night out... uncovered and uncensored!

Work. Tired. Sleep, no.

I'm gonna have a word with the boss about these fantastic hours... I'm sure i've had about, humm, lets say, a good hours sleep at least.

Not even the 'Most Relaxing Classical Piano Music in the Universe' album could do the trick.

The Happy Dancing Pav and Strange Turtle Management

Hopefully the title of this post drew you in but I'm ashamed to say that it has nothing to do with what I'm going to write here. It just sounded experimental son.

Anyway!

So last night the Pav opened its large embracing arms and beckoned us to join it in a festive swing.

And we did.

Obviously Dan has covered much of the night so I won't repeat whats been said, I'm just going to add my personal touch. I hope you don't mind.

So, after flat, partially cold, rotten cider drinking. We got inside the Pav.

I had about as much money on me as someone who does Strange Turtle Management for a living (I made a link to the title, brilliant!) So obviously I couldn't really afford a drink but, everyones favourite Scouse gave me a bit of dosh and Dan gave me a bit of dosh and hayho I gots me a drinko!

Now, heres the exciting part! Eddie 'There are no shrimps in Blackpool' Reed found me a Santa hat and, upon entering it with the top of my head, I was approached by a fellow media compatriot. He proceeded to bargain with me for the hat. It went something like this:

'Sam, Sam?'

'Hello fellow media compatriot'

'I need your hat!'

'Aww, this is my hat, I need it'

'Yeah but, I'm guaranteed sex if I wear that, I'll give you £5'

'Oooh, £5 well I would but I really like it'

'Come on, I'll give you £3'

'£3? You just offered me £5'

'Ok, I'll give you £4'

'That's still less than what you originally offered'

'Alright, I'll give you £5 then'

And with that, I earned myself a quick 5 bob for a santa hat. I must say it was probably the best thing that happened that night as I'm sure you'll agree.

After the hat purchasing event, everything pretty much flew by in a blur and I fail to remember anything of worthwhile mention.

So on that note I will bid you farewell, adieu and good luck.

Love,
Sam.

P.S. FINALLY THE CHRISTMAS CACTUS IS HERE! BLOODY GREAT AIN'T IT!?

Christmas Cactus Has Arrived!

It's Chrisssssssssssssstmasssssssssss!!!

How many times are you going to hear 'that' song this christmas? Probably about 4 times... but thats more than enough in my opinion.

Anywho, look at our speical, limited edition cactus rock his christmas costume! He has travelled all the way up north (As in The North Pole, not Carlisle) to celebrate christmas with the elf's and raindeer themselves. I hope he comes back with some cracking stories... I did hear however, he may be staying abroad for sometime, visiting new places, seeing the sites and that. The cheeky bugger, well I hope he has a brilliant time and gives Santa his green costume back, the sell out!

I guess we'll give you an update on how that goes... or how it doesn't. If you catch my drift.

LOVE

Pressure Post.

Hi all, I feel I need to make this blog entry due to pressure from some unnamed people, who may or may not be involved with this Blog.

It all started a few days ago when Chris 'I'm not a Geordie' Hall invited us round to the Vicarage for whisky and jovial laughs.

Melling and Holden were skint, so they turned him down, but I asked some higher power for dosh and they said yeah, baby! Everyone's favourite Scouse, Rich, was also in attendance.

I liaised with my clan (Yates and LC) and we confirmed SubSpace was the venue for some huge partying.

BUT FIRST FOLKS, THE VICARAGE STORY;

Me and Scouse headed round after a good few hours, mainly because RC was prancing about like a little girl taking a decade to get to the 163 residence.. He finally arrived, we boozed for a bit then jumped in a cab and arrived at the big black gate. The scene was the bottom flat, inhabited by females - who all seemed rather nice.

Lots of talking and Whisky was consumed and being a fan of those American film stars who can drink Whisky like water, I thought I'd give it a go. I nailed it, to be honest, but my stomach was backflipping like a motherbreather.

This is the part in which I say; Itwasagoodnightbutfookknowswhatwenton.

THE SUBSPACE STORY;

SubSpace was mint, I reckon. Super Simon Yates and The Ever Intrepid Lauren Christopher where in attendance of course and we partied like it was a Monday night.

Felt like all of about 5 minutes though - because before I knew it, it was over.

Me and Richy had gone back to the Vicarage.. I made a fruit of myself a few times and woke up at 10am on their couch. Had to walk home in the freezing cold as well, it was a very hard thing to do - not because of the cold - but because walking is an art form.

Here ends this story - but begin will another, shorty.

...

THE PAV;

I wasn't going to go to be honest and Mr Melling wasn't going and Sam Holden.. Well, it's Sam Holden, isn't it?

So that was decided. I had changed my mind. I WAS GOING. (like that roundabout in Swindon)

It was all due to something someone said at some point.

Eddie 'The Blackpool Tower' Reed, 'Everyone's Favourite Scouse' and Holden where all confirmed - I then had a shower, armed with this information.

As I dried my curly locks, I poured the flattest cider pint this flat has ever seen (not technically correct, because Sam had one before me) but that's by the wayside, yo!

We made a lot of noise for a while.. Especially when GAGA got involved - you see she's created a song that is so catchy, the lyrics or the music don't matter.
Zoom to the Pav:

Holden and Blackpool got in for free, because they are naughty boys. Me and Richy played it by the book.

Annie 'I'm from Sheffield' Jones and Gemma 'I'm not from Sheffield, but I'm from Essex' Tyndall quickly got a whiff of our attendance and we chatted for ages about something or other. Anna 'I'm from neither of these places, but I am from Warrington' Thompson completed the trio and we did some more chatting and that.

It was fun. Holden has a story about a hat and a five pound note, but I'll let him tell you that when he feels up to it.

'Serious Bit' - You may skip if you want the mood to remain light.

Some people can be attractive to everyone - no matter about hair colour etc.. But, why would someone disagree with this sentiment? It would make no sense to label that person 'ugly', when they clearly aren't. It left me stumped, so it did.

And that was the end of the 2009 Pav. It was fun and I enjoyed myself, but if I'd have stayed at the flat, I think I wouldn't have missed out on much.. Especially the bit where Yorkshire threw my own drink on Rich.. That was not a good scenario.. Not good at all.

This is the end of two nights out - I hope it has pleased the peer pressure pro-active campaigner.

Look a picture from SubSpace!



I feel it's important to mention, I wore the same T-Shirt for both nights.. Continuity and all that.

On your marks...set... GO!

On your marks...set... GO!

...and Dan's away well with scouse closely following hot on his tail but oh look whats this it's Chris and he has taken the lead in the race to Manchester! ICANTBELIEVEITOHMYGODTHISISSOHOSTILE...

To be continued (upon Dans return, as myself and Sam are too poor to go out)...

LOve.

Our song never ends...

Still awake.

Still singing and dancing,
Still swinging and mingling.
Jiving and diving,
Hip-hopping and bopping.

The music goes on,
The beat keeps on.
Our feet don't stop,
Our hearts won't stop.

We'll move, we'll groove.
We'll mambo and hop.
We'll sway, our hips won't stay,
Still 'cos the thrill...

Gives us the will,
To keep going and showing,
And going and knowing that...
Our song never ends.


Cheesy as Cathedral City, but no sleep and jazz music gave life to this strange poem/song.

It makes me happy. I hope it does the same for you.

See you soon.

Sam.

Desktop Background, Yo!

Merry Christmas everybody!

Here, have a desktop background..

Free of charge!

What's that? Free of charge!? .. Oh aye lass.

We'll be doing these a lot. You know, every now and then - from time to time and that. Every so often, once in a while and so forth. We'll be doing one of these. You know, as a one off like?



In this brutal encounter, you are not only seeing one side of the story, but also that of the photographers. A brutal photographic encounter.

We see the protagonist and the somewhat foolhardy antagonistic beer (us, of course) engaged in a somewhat sticky situation. Has Cactus made away with the Bankers millions, or did he just get pissed on that pint? Stay tuned for the Christmas special folks. Wow, it's going to be a nice one!

Optimised for Widescreen, baby. Compatible with everything, sweetheart.

Love.

Christmas

Well I'm just going to go ahead and say what all our fans are thinking... When is the Christmas themed Cactus being revealed!!!???!!!???



Soon I hope.

Love.

The morning after the night and other short fables.

A fable is a succinct story, in prose or verse, that features animals, plants, inanimate objects, or forces of nature which are anthropomorphised (given human qualities), and that illustrates a moral lesson (a "moral"), which may at the end be expressed explicitly in a pithy maxim.

Good morning. I would first like to include a glowing endorsement;

I shall explain how this endorsement came about in good time, my friends. I am primarily here to tell you about my drunken night out, however.

Now, December the 11th always holds a special place in my memory, for it is my sisters Birthdate - It is the date in which she becomes older. For this particular Birthdate, my family decided to celebrate it in a really nice new Chinese restaurant in Wigan. The dress code was 'smart casual' and (I'll be honest) I was one of only about 5 people in there dressed 'casually smart'. Most people looked a little bit posh.

Now, some would say how can people in Wigan look posh? Whilst I agree with parts of this question, lets break it down.

Wigan>previous coal mining town>traditional rugby league community>close to Manchester and Liverpool>young professionals>rubbish areas>nice areas>Wigan.

So, posh can be done - just not a lot.

As I sat there contemplating what I would like to eat, I made a conscious decision of the drink I would like to consume. Tiger Beer. That old dog, Phil Jones, opted for a pint of Chinese Beer (Jinling Beer I believe) Annette Jones went for a classic White Wine and the oldest of the two Jones children, Elizabeth (who's Birthday it was) went for a smooth glass of water, due to her driving commitments.

We joyfully chatted about family stuff and that, then the food came! This is when I became confused for around 15 minutes. You see, I had ordered aromatic duck with minced prawns and egg fried rice, however I forgot the prawns were minced for AGES and I had no idea what I was eating. I convinced myself that it was crab and it was different to the crab I sometimes eat, but it was nice all the same.

For the food critics who nearly always read this blog;



Now, being the forgetful one I absolutely cannot remember what anyone else had to eat - but I know they liked it, because as a collective we have decided to return one day.

This has lead me on nicely to our glowing endorsement! After the bill was paid, I jumped at a killer chance to own a piece of Chinese writing. I asked the lady with the chip and pin machine to do me a favour (hohoho, I hear you chuckle) she obliged and before I knew it.. 'Our Drunken Nights Out' had an endorsement, in Chinese! We have broken China!

From here, the two ladies went on their separate way - which I am led to believe was home. Me and 'old man river' Philip went to the pub just across the road from the bus station.. Properly beer festival clientèle grace this premises, but bloodyhell it's a good pub!

I got a pint of the nicest tasting wheat beer ever;

'Schneider Weisse'

It was so nice in fact, I didn't get another one because I didn't want to ruin the good vibes I had received from the first one. Super PJ got a really plum tasting bitter, which in itself was a lovely mix of fruity flavours and high tones.

For the beer critics who nearly always read this blog;



We consumed many more drinks in this establishment and alas, it was time to leave. Pegasus takeaway beckoned as did a taxi ride home, complete with garlic pizza bread.

I feel happy to have told you my story - but what I am really waiting for is the new 'Christmas Cactus Logo'.. Just when will it be unveiled? Stay tuned folks!

PS;

www.bigfunbingo.com is now activated to redirect to this Blog. Life's a gamble!

This is what it looked like outside when I decided to share my night with you, this morning;

The collection so far...

Since this blog and indeed my life started, I/we have made a number of videos/shorts/docs etc. Some where made especially for this blog, and some to do with Stake Productions or uni. So now I'd like to give you the links to them all, so you can watch again and again and again! So without further hesitation lets start the story!

Once upon a time there lived a bmxer called Jonny Devine, he was born a bmxer, and I presume will always be one, because life wouldnt be worth living if I found out he wasnt one. A miniDV tape was put into a camcorder once and recorded some shots of him, there was this one where he had the Jackson 5 singing for him! And then there was this one in a freezing cold skate park. I'm not sure where it was but it reminds me of poo... oh yeah, Blackpool. Along the way we learnt some stuff on how to make videos for real... So then came to uni and did some more stuff on sculpted rhinos, DJ Alley Cat , and made a really colourful costume! Then we met a boy named Elliot, which led the way to us doing something with him and his dance group.

In amongst all of that though, we kept thinking and creating and staying up late to come up with silly ideas, for example making a sun flower the main character in a short film, and even a stop motion animation involving some Walkers Crisps! Do you remember Dan's ever so slight Cribs style tour around our flat? Or what about the love of his life, Biscuits? Well in the end, we all came out smiling I hope... So what about some suggestions to what our next silly short will be?

And if your still wondering WHY am I reading this, then visit the happy man and smiling woman to remember what life is all about, to smile... :)

BOOM Headshot!

The days of Counter Strike Source are BACK!

Team ODNO is on the scene stiring it up online in the first person shoot'em up game CSS. Words such as; DOMINATING, ULTRA KILL, and UNSTOPPABLE said in a booming mega voice echo around my head all day worse than a bad pop tune does on the radio....

So for all you gamers out there, comment us and we'll set you up with an IP to join us and help with our overall quest... (World Domination!)

P.S. Skate 2 is taking over my life, and If I had a wife, it would take over that too. But for now, its just my life.

Fat Cigars and Empty Bars.

*For best results watch the video whilst contemplating life.





Good Morning World!

Sam: It's 4.33am and its looking to be an excellent day. I know you're all wondering why we are up this late but I can assure you our time has been spent well, hasn't it Ste?

Stephen: Yep, we have been pretty busy getting our lovely new Cactus scene ready for all our dedicated fans...

Sam: Do we have fans?

Dan: We've only got 1 follower!

(General laughter)

Stephen: I mean, not followers, we have regular visitors all the time, I can feel it in my bones.

Sam: You mean www.statcounter.com, where you can register for free and see who has been to our blog, where they are from, and even see what operating system they are using!

Dan: Like windows xp for example?

Ste: Yeah, its really cool... Are we making it obvious we are now making heaps of money from this?

Dan: Nah...

Sam: No, of course not. By the way, did you get that T-Shirt from Brandalley.com?

Dan: Oh, is that where you have to be an exclusive member?

Sam: Yeah, thats the one. You get a £10 voutcher when you invite a friend.

Dan: There's no 'T' in voutcher.

Ste: Oh, sorry, here, *Voucher.

Sam: Speaking of tea, do you fancy a cuppa?

Dan & Ste: Aye, go on then.

(They walk out of the room)

:Who the hell is typing this now?

: This cigar tastes like piss, and the wine tastes like smoke! Think I'll be off now, gotta get my costume sorted for Christmas!

Inspired by Sam and threatened by Gregory..

'One day two forces will clash so fiercely, one might get injured..'

Slightly behind times but what the hell...

Guess who...

24 hours later..

Well, it's nearly been 24 hours after my horrific text outburst in the library. I've had time to reflect on it and first of all.. I would like to apologise.

I may have come across 'a bit soft' for not taking the bull by the horns and actively pushing the guy off his chair. Instead, I blogged about it - which I feel is like eating crisps, without opening the crisp packet.

A little bit tricky.

Nonthelessandanyroad, I have learned a valuable lesson from one of televisions great academics, Michael Winner;

“The truth of the matter is that muggers are very interesting people.”

I believe if the three of us work together, we can at least provide one persons daily allowance of reading material.

4:16am - Thought of the morning

Well I don’t know about all you folks, but I think Dan might need some anger management/ therapy/ community service for the language and aggression he has shown in his blog posts of late. I for one, enjoy reading the posts on here for there loveable approach to life, and I feel Dan has ruined this for everyone.

So lets all give Dan the encouragement he needs and deserves to help him get through this stressful period in his life.

Thanks, thats all for now (apart from the post script I planned to put below this sentence about 6 seconds ago).

P.S. I don’t mean to sound like I am a tree hugging, religious do-gooder, because I'm not... I am just your local loveable family guy, Joe! "Hey Joe", is what I get from my neighbour as I walk down my street with tall pine trees either side of the road. I reply, "Hi", looking at them with a gentle smile on my face as I think to myself, 'hang on a second, I'm not really called Joe!? I don’t really live on street with tall pine trees either side of it, and I don’t think anyone has EVER said "Hey Joe" to me as I walk down any street.

Its now I'd like you to think to yourself, why the hell am I reading this, what a waste of my life this is...

Someone said once though; "forgive those who trespass......." (or maybe they didn’t).

Let me remind you, it is now 4:16am. And I am tired.

To the kid sat next to me in the library.

You, my friend, are an absolute wanker.

If you need to use your phone - fuck off and do it outside. It was peaceful as fuck in here before you decided to use your stupid brummie accent and talk all over this serenity.

Plus, that tattoo on your arm looks shit.

Being the good folk we are, we want to help you out..

Make Rage Against the Machine Christmas Number One!

The Publishers here at 'Our Drunken Nights Out' hate the XFactor, like really fucking hate it - with a passion that burns so deep, we can hardly breath!

So we think everyone should join this group and buy the single of 'Killing In The Name Of' from the 13th of December onwards.. But, only from proper chart downloadly things..

(It'll tell you what to do on the Facebook page)

Facebook Group

Here's some news from our front desk editors:

NME Says This

Kerrang! Says This

Online Betting Says This

To Keep this like a normal Blog post.. Here's a picture of my phones draft message:

His name is Gregory and he doesn't like hoovers.

This is the newest member of our Flat 163 Rat Pack.

Well, I say newest, he has actually been here since the beginning but he has only just allowed us to use his name and image. (He's shy but don't tell him that).

Gregory, as you can see, is a Velociraptor. He's pretty standard when it comes to Raptors. He likes: chasing animals, killing animals and eating animals. BUT! He doesn't like Hoovers. In fact, I think it'd be safe to say he bladdy well hates 'em.

So, just in case you choose to ignore the warning on the photo, I'm going to say it here and now:

"Do not place hoovers next to Gregory, because he will melt them with his ferocity." (Or his laser eyes, but he doesn't use them very often).

Lots of love,

Sam.

Extract from Facebook

Dan Jones: No to Basshunter. No to silly Basshunter video. Yes to that picture just below this message. Also.. A poem;

Super ayy ell tea,
Is what they used to say,
She is funny, old and grey,
Forty Seven is her age,
She is overcome with old lady rage,
So much so in fact,
She likes songs that.. to be honest
Are crap.

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I thought I would share that lovely passage, because it made me chuckle.

Christmas Lights In The |U*nit.

These are the Christmas decorations in one of our publishing rooms..

The title of this Blog was correct, but Stephen Melling made me change it. Now I don't know what the title means.

The Lonesome Pine.

On a mountain in Virginia stands a Lonesome Pine.
Just below is the cabin home of a little girl of mine.
Her name is June and very, very soon she'll belong to me.
For I know shes waiting there for me 'neath that Lone Pine Tree.

In the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia,
On the trail of the Lonesome Pine.
In the pale moonshine,
Our hearts entwine.
Where she carved her name and I carved mine, Oh June!
Oh June, just like the mountains I'm blue, like the Pine...
I am lonesome for you!

What a lovely song.

Thank you for this Laurel & Hardy. You introduced me to a fun song.

Sammy.

Train Pains and Incorrect Names

So I was on the train on my way to sunny Salford, minding my own business. Actually I was reading a book (Fiona McIntosh's Betrayal, Book 1 of a Trilogy) and a lovely woman was sat next to me (Not as lovely as the Hottest Girl on the Bus) but she was definately the hottest girl in my train carriage.

Where are we? I've gone off on a tangent.

Oh yeah...

Well I was minding my own business when I heard:

"Are we nearly there yet?" asked the curiously, drunk/drugged looking woman.

"Well we are at Salford Crescent now so we're close" replied a young lady.

"Oh yeah, its Salford Crescent, then Salford Central and then its Piccalily ain't it?"

Picca what? I thought...

"Yeah so we are pretty close to Piccalily then, that's good" mumbled the annoying drunken sot.

Well, I would just like to point out that unless you are on a train heading towards a sandwich spread then its Piccadilly you daft bint.

Regards,

Sammy.

Explain Yourself BOY!

I feel I should start by asking the question; What the hell did that last post even mean/say/what the hell was you on when you wrote that?

Because I think everyone else is asking the very same question, and I'd want it answered to if I was you...

So without further ado.

It was a relaxed day on the morning of the 5th December, and Sam had left both myself and Dan as he walked out of the flat door to join an exhibition of wild crocodile hunters on a rare but exciting trip to Wigan.

This didnt threaten Dan or I because we had a busy day ahead doing some long over due home work.

About an hour later we had finished doing work and was now playing Skate 2 Demo on the PS3 with cups of tea. We breathed something in that suddenly made the night (yes, it is now night time) turn ever so more relaxed.

Some time passed... pasta, toast, tea, sandwhich, crisps, more tea.

Ed rang and then we was away filming in the warehouse project for 5 hours. Within these 5 hours we encounted a few moments freeze framed in time and space:

Free Train.
Pill heads.
Bass.
RedStripe.
'Celebs'
Backstage passes.
Empty car park with a seating area.
Clouds of sweat.
Dripping cealings.
Going on Stage.
Black guy
with a hat.
Free Taxi...

BOOM >>> back to Skate 2 a tea pot, and more pasta, toast, tea, crisps, and a chilled sense of aroma.

It was then 7:30am, the sun was coming up and my eyes were shutting.

I hope this helps explain things.

A day of numbers @ the 163 residence

A day of numbers @ the 163 residence. Well this title means a lot to us, so please take a minute to say 'look right here' and always be polite.

There are twotwo of us.
24hrs in a day.
5 hours spent sleeping.
5 hrs spent eating.
5 hours spent working.
and nine hours doing nothing at all.

We have sewn together a peice of life.

6:47am

Happy Sunday Everyone!

Cactus Egg Sing Song

A New Look

Following on from Stephen's 'We're not sell outs' victory speech, I would like to talk you through the changes.

SomethinghappensherebutIcannotspecificallyrememberit

..and then we had a Cactus!

Ste drew it and Sam supervised over every meticulous detail.. I scanned it in and then added some colour to it on Photoshop.

Got some font and a picture of Manchester and BAM! A new dawn is upon us.

We have a special Christmas one to unveil as well, but we'll keep that under wraps for the moment.

IN CONSTRUCTION

You may have noticed some slight (one massive) change here on ourdrunkennightsout. Well I'm here to tell you not to be afraid, its still us, we are still alive and have not sold our amazing idea to a company thats now redeveloping the site to make it more 'user friendly'.

Just to clarify, that has not happened.

With all my love and christmas kisses...

Stephen xxx

Two Million Bits of Meat.

Two million bits of meat are floating. Where are they going? I'm not sure, but they are certainly committed.

Seven times they have arrived and never have they left. Gone are the days that earth can prosper, in are the times with little experience.

Lost forever, we are one.

The Hottest Girl on the Bus.

The bus stops. Not at a bus stop, but it stops anyway. It's going against all the rules for this one.

She jogs over. Her hair never moves; the wind dares not mar her. Gliding onto the bus, everything comes to a halt. Conversations in full throttle cease instantly and hungry eyes eat up the luscious blonde.

But she doesn't know. Or rather, she chooses to be ignorant.

She dances, delicately, between her audiences' toes. They couldn't care less if she jumped up and down on them. They just stare. Lost in the unobtainable beauty laid out before them. Cursed like Phineas to never know the taste of what is laid before them.

She slips her arm around a pole. Ring, ring. She's hit the bell; clumsy little thing.

"Sorry" she whispers.

But no one minds, its an excuse to look at her again. But try as they might, they cannot stay in this moment forever. The bus rattles on. Time catches back up. Her audience dwindles. People return to previous conversations as if nothing had happened. She fades into the background, a golden silhouette.

And I wonder...

What was her name? And why is she wearing a mini-skirt in this weather?

When You Have A Drunken Night Out, There Is One Problem..

You have to budget. I have done this today at Tesco and I'm pretty pleased with myself. Here is my receipt;



I paid in 1, 2 and 5 pences. It felt like I was at Southport Funland.

Everything I have bought has no artificial colours or flavours. I don't do that shit.

It's With Thanks..

First of all, I would like to thank Colgate for the free toothpaste.. You guys!.. Secondly, I would like to thank eveyone in room 5.. namely Sam and Stephen - you helped me achieve free toothpaste. Lastly, I would like to thank everyone who fed me today.. It didn't cost me a penny and I loved the takeaway and cups of tea. (and coffee)

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