To Pee or to Pee in Pants - That is the Question.

Firstly, I would like to announce how proud I am to be a writer for such a prestigious and highly regarded blogspot. It really is an honour... 1001 views today, where will we be next year? Beautiful, moving stuff.

Anyway back to reality and back to England for me. Travelling Europe for one month wasn't long enough but at least I had fun while I did it. Took some photos which I will post above.

I'm sure there was another reason for my posting on here right now but for the life of me I cannot think what it could be.

Well I guess I will tell a short story to try and jog my memory into gear;

I recently paid Sam (I'm a recovering addict) Griffin Holden a visit at his University Halls. I have been before, but am still not used to everything being in reverse to what I was living in last year with the previously named and Dan (on a boat) Jones. So entering and exiting a room can be misleading, sending you the wrong way, and with the right amount of alcohol and coriander herb mixtures inside you this can very easily send you into a wild and uncontrollable spin. Not good for two reasons of which I will think up later on in the story...

I met Griffin and two of Griffin's accomplices, we played games with cider such as Bridge, Beer Ping Pong and, actually that's all we played involving cider. We then walked from the kitchen to the Griffin room - with myself fighting every sensation to go the opposite way. But luckily, I made it in time to play 4 player COD and answer some questions on countries, Prince of Bel-Air and Friends - of which one of Griffin's accomplices who we shall call Harry (for now) was scarily good at.

After lots of Cider and sitting around there can only be one outcome, toilet or wet your pants. Quite like fight or flight you must quickly choose one or the other before impending doom/peeing in pants. Now here is where the two reasons part comes in;

1) When impending doom faces you to set off to the toilet in an already dizzy and confused mess, the last thing you need is to walk out the door the wrong way thus causing you to go into a uncontrollable spin, thus making all engines stall - so to speak - and collapsing in a pile of pee and engine parts on the floor. So to avert this take immediate action and close eyes untill you feel you have completed a 720 degree spin, this will hopfully correct your misguided ways. If it fails, and all else has failed; repeat.

2) If the latter is averted some how and you quickly correct your mistake of walking out the Griffin room and heading towards the front door instead of the toilets door. Then you may face one last problem caused by the previously mentioned dizzyness, confusedness and general drug inhabitationess. This is; walking through the toilets door, only to find yourself in a small room with two more doors to choose from. This gigantic problem of proportions preposterous even to contemplate is easily fixed with one simple rule; which ever hand you feel to be your left hand at the time, go the opposite way to it.

See, simple.

To tie up all the loose ends I would like to mention that I called a taxi when I realised Sam (I'm a recovering addict) Griffin Holden was in a coma, then I left the building. Amazingly, I found the front door.

LOVE.

LIFE the UNIVERSE and EVERYTHING

You are probably wondering where an earth your favourite blog -Our Drunken Nights Out .blogspot.com has been the last few months... Well, there is a story there that has to be told at some point, and I can tell you the time is not now. However, if you read the following passage it may lead you to the conclusion that everything is so so, and still ticking by albeit in our seperate ways.

Dan (I'm from WIGAN) Jones is now no longer in Wigan but on a cruise ship somewhere in the world, somewhere sunny probably - filming people having a wonderful time...

Sam (I'm a recovering addict) Griffin Holden is tucked away somewhere in a corner, probably in Wigan recovering from the night before and just waiting, and waiting... and waiting for the day to come before he can start doing exactly the same at Uni.

Myself (insert info here) is living the dream of full time employment on an industrial estate in Bolton filming washing machines and what not. HOWEVER, if you would be so kind as to visit http://hayste.blogspot.com/ then you will be able to follow myself and Hayley whilst we travel across Europe on the trains. If all goes to plan, meeting Dan (I'm from WIGAN) Jones in Venice! So that would be nice wouldn't it (Yes it would be).

So on to the extract from LIFE the UNIVERSE and EVERYTHING by Douglas Adams... all you need to know to follow this story is that the character has two heads. The rest you can relate to intrepidly.

"Then he had thought about what his position actually was; and the renewed shock had nearly made him spill his drink. He drained it quickly before anything serious happened to it. He then had another quick one to follow the first one down and check that it was all right.

'Freedom', he said aloud.

Trillion came on to the bridge at that point and said several enthusiastic things on the subject of freedom.

'I cant cope with it', he said darkly, and sent a third drink down to see why the second hadnt yet reported on the condition of the first. He looked uncertainly at both of her, and preferred the one on the right.

He poured a drink down his other throat with the plan it would head the previous one off at the pass, join forces with it, and together they would get the second to pull itself together. Then all three would go off in search of the first, give it a good talking to and maybe a bit of a sing as well.

He felt uncertain as to whether the fourth drink had understood all that, so he sent down a fifth to explain the plan more fully and a sixth for moral support.

'Your're drinking too much', said Trillion.

HUGE UPDATE

It has come to our attention that nobody actually reads these - so, goodbye cruel world, we are saying good bye... but not without our very last blog post;



12th of the month of January (or as the news has labelled it, The Big Freeze).

Whilst we acknowledge its cold, we found no need for the obsessive news coverage so we wrote to the BBC themselves! Here is what we wrote:

Although we did think all they actually did was acknowledge what we were saying in larger words.


As a licence payer I find that the excess News coverage regarding the snow/stories surrounding it, is becoming tiresome and frankly boring.

Whilst I recognise the significance in weather warnings, I hope you respect that constant coverage regarding 'how bad' it is and 'cheap' news stories relating to it only dilutes the impact of the warning.

Surely as human beings we can see how bad it is and gauge an understanding of whether it is safe.

Please take into consideration that for some habitats and forest areas it is actually a benefiting factor, so I do not agree with the sweeping generalisation that it is all 'bad' with phrases like "we don't really have any good news" "dreadfully" "so obviously our problems do not change" "The only thing that might save us". These, I feel are massive over exaggerations for what is essentially... Winter conditions.

These particular phrases were aired on North West Tonight on the 7th.

Well, well well, they responded to that so they did! Here is what they said:

Dear Mr Jones

Thanks for your e-mail.

I understand you're unhappy with our news coverage of recent bad weather, as you feel it's been excessive. I also note you feel newsreaders tend to use sensationalist terms which can be misleading to viewers - a recent example of this being 'North West Tonight'.

I'm sorry you're unhappy with quality of our news output and I can assure you our presenters don't intentionally use sensationalist language, however I realise you felt otherwise in this instance.

As I'm sure you're aware, recent heavy snowfall has affected a huge number of people throughout the country, and as a public service we had an obligation to report on this issue.

I do appreciate your feedback regarding this element of our recent news coverage, and to this end I'd like to assure you that I've registered your comments on our audience log. This is a daily internal report of audience feedback which we circulate to all news teams, editorial staff and presentation teams within the BBC, including our team on 'North West Tonight', ensuring that your points and all other comments we receive, are circulated and considered across all departments.

Thanks again for taking the time to contact us.

Regards

Jill Petticrew
BBC Complaints


The fact they even responsed was pretty good! So we're happy about that. Thanks BBC.


Some other stuff has occured over this month, but thats Dan Jones' job, and he has just announced he is handing us his P60 along with his gloves. (About 1 hour before we cut our keyboard cables and call it a day.)

OK, so I guess this is it.

CHEERS!
LOVE!
NaNight!

Facebook fan group launch - Show your true colours and join our fanbase!






Your wildest dreams might just come true.

Timing...Clock...WoW!

OMGWOW!AMAZING.

I have just noticed, that we wrote the last blog post almost completly 24hours after we wrote the one before that! Only 1 minute out! 1:21am and 1:22am!

I find this amusing.

Dan to the rescue!

You'll pleased to know Dan has started writing in his book now. What book? Well I'm not sure, but he has this book, that he has been wanting to write in for some time (since he got back from his London trip) and well, now he is writing in it. Its a crazy mixed up world but someone has to document it. Dan to the rescue!

Time is due but only for you
when you hear the siran
dont start cryin'
we are in this mess together
now untill forever.

Thats an extract from Dans new book from London. Wow, what a tripadation I had before he read that out, it really moved me... Not! (Waynes World - Party Time, Excellent)

LOVE!

Some girly poem

To be read with the song: Fur Elise - Classical Gas (start speaking at 22seconds in)

By Dan Jones and Stephen Melling.

Tiredness kicks in.

I breathe the energy from deep within
it appears lifeless and often dim

constrained I am within myself
lost upon a dirty shelf

This world is big and dark and i'm lost at heart
nothing, it seems will stop or start

but laugh or cry you'll know the truth
when I tell it, without the noose

your secret stays with me
as it hangs silently from the tree
I am the life of you or me
living my own real fantacy

give up or die, time will tell
I shed no tears now nor then
I will continue, like many men
forgiving, seeking, wondering when?


LOVE

A snowball slurry, a wintery treat and a reet good slide.

As I type this message, the snow outside is well and truly magical. Thick as owt and white as a sheet. This is perfect for the morale and the confidence.

We are all happy. Talking of happy, Me and Ste were happy last night. We had beer and snow.

Sake bombs + Jagerbombs ÷ Beer @ FAB = Smile.

One of the happiest things of last night was using the outside to our advantage and creating a game. A 'how high can the snowball go' game.. I won, although we had special guests joining us aswell and it was cool. If I can remember correctly.. Yes, yes it's coming to me.. Yes.. that's it! It was the library in Manchester we aimed at.

Then something amazing happened..

We had the idea of snowballing the Brannigans bouncers.. Ambitious and fraught with danger - but doable..

Along came another man with the same ideas (his girlfriend didn't) .. 3 of us, 6 snowballs.. 3 bouncers.. we bombarded them and buggered off to.. surprisingly.. a multi story car park (right to the top.. great views).. We ran home after this, but as we got back.. The security guards here fancied themselves in a 4 person war..

Me + Ste vs 2 Security .. I think they won, due to Ste being hit twice from some cracking attacking play. We wished them all the best and tootled on back home..

We watched Inglorious Basterds and ate crisps.

I wish the effort I put into this was reflected in my life.

Hello once again fellow readers - It's the New Year and ten years after the Millennium ( I think we did a blog post for that, have a look to the right >> )

Happy New Year!

Well, I haven't spoke to you this year so I'm quite excited, in fact I AM excited.

Lets start it with a little story about London? OK!

I went to London for New Years and (to be honest) it was utterly fabulous. We had a hotel right in Trafalgar Square, more central than the middle of a pin. I'll now tell you who I went with and give you a character lowdown, yo!

Phill - He's a cool cat, likes to drive and listen to music. Also likes rolling with it and flowing smooooth.

Bob - Another cat, quieter than Phil, but loud in all the right places. Fabulously easy going and cluuueeeeed up!

Julia - Poetical and loud, but in a quiet way. Just wise really. Just a wise cat.

Rachel - Very listenable. It's worth listening when Rachel says something I think - like the roundabout of knowledge.

I hope this clears the characters up - it's the best I could do! ( It's actually taken me ages, so you cannot disagree about the detail, because it's right )

These gorgeous people aided the New Years blues (which turned out to not exist) .. And it was fun, man.

Then it was 2010 and it felt sweet.

Fast forward to January the 2nd if you will, I watched AVATAR with Sammy lad and Little Dean and well.. The best film I have ever had the pleasure of showing my eyes. Just actually astonishing.

Zoom with me, if you like, to that evening..

Tee Pee Powell, Dr Dean King, Little Dean, AntoeKnee and Sammy lad = Pub and town!

What a night I had. Oh, how I enjoyed myself. Beginning, middle and end was great, just happiness everywhere. I'm still beaming, you know.

I'd like to take this opportunity to say; I love Thomas Powell.

This is where the transmission will end. But, I have a feeling it won't be the last.

Look at these pictures, they were captured with a camera that I was holding!

All That Lingo

Heyho boys and girls (I feel like a school teacher with the new jumper I bought yesterday, it has rockets on it!)

I had a wonnnnnerful new year celebration, a bottle of rum, bit of whiskey, champagne and a shot of absinthe! Its safe to say I was fairly merry after that.

"When shall we drink the champagne?"
"I don’t know, maybe like half an hour before new year?"
"It's 10 to 12 now!"

The best advert in the world seemed to keep appearing on the tele too, I dont have a clue what it was selling, but it finished with the epic one liner... "Because we can be bothered".
hahahahahahahahahhohohohahahahahahhahhohohohohahahahhahahahahahahahhohoihoah, ah...ha, ahhh ha. ha, ha. ooooaaawwwooohh, ha, haha, ha. hah.

Thats pretty much a laugh turning into a chuckle! Whoever came up with that is a genius. No, hang on I don’t mean genius do I, that’s the wrong word, erm, oh yeah, Idiot. What a total idiot. "Because we can be bothered". ha!


Well anyway, I spent new years with Hayley and it was wonderful! Jules Holland show (we caught the end of it) was pretty amazing as well.
Lots must have happened because we stayed up till around 4am. I just can’t quite think what, hmmm, dancing; I know there were lots of outlandish dancing and singing and all that lingo. Lots of laughs anyway, so many I forgot to do the usual text everyone the same message and then wait half an hour for it to get through. Yeah, I forgot to do that. Oh well, a lucky few got late ones.

I'm hungry now, tea time. And I'm going to cook it myself, why? "Because I can be bothered".


Love

Should Old Aquaintance be forgot... ?

Well folks... Another Year has passed!

I take it upon myself to say: "Bloody hell son!"

Seriously though, the years just fly by. But what a year it has been...

You may choose to disagree of course, but I always say:

"Although sometimes things were bad, you always look back fondly on what has transpired"

... Mmm, I don't always say that but I think it's quite true. Although, obviously there are such things as bad years.

Now, I don't want to turn this post into sloppy nonsense but I wish to say a few things and I hope I can adequately portray what I'm feeling:

Every Year is a trial. Every Year has it's ups and downs and every Year has the potential to be the worst or best of your life. For me, every Year is a gift. It's quite possible that most of your year will be filled with utter tosh. By that I mean that the same old things happen and nothing really stands out. However, even if nothing of note occurred, well I always get that nostalgic feel when the countdown starts on the 31st December.

10,

Images flash in front of my eyes...

9,

The start of the year, the first few winter months.

8,

The beginning of spring. Warmth gently gliding in...

7,

Summer starts; warmth all around.

6,

Holidays abroad.

5,

Returning home on those last precious Summer days.

4,

Autumn arrives... you kick the leaves as you walk down a familiar path.

3,

Winter creeps in.. your old friends: gloves and scarf grin at you and beg you to make use of them.

2,

Snow falls (If we are lucky) and the country comes to a halt.

1,

Well, It's the end of a year and we are back where I started.

Now, obviously not everyone shares that same structure in their Year but I think it pretty much sums up what goes on. Years, come and go like leaves falling from a tree (pardon my cheesiness) yet each one, however insignificant, carries it's own pattern.

What I'm really trying to say is: I love Life. Yeah, sometimes it's pretty damn rotten but you get what you make out of it. You'll never get Time back so make sure every Year is the best one yet.

And make sure you appreciate the little things.

Happy New Year everyone!

Let's make 2010 a Year to remember.

Love,

Sam.